Tag Archives: lonely feeling

The Gift

3 Mar

I’ve never struggled with loneliness the way that I have been these past few weeks. Right now I’m in different spiritual, mental, and emotional places than the people around me are. Not that the place I’m in is better or worse…it’s just different.

This morning at Mass when I walked in I had no clue what was going on. It hadn’t started yet, but everyone was praying prayers I don’t know yet and I was really struggling to follow along. Usually I don’t have this problem, and today it was really discouraging.

I sat there thinking, “I don’t fit anywhere. Not here in this place, and not there in the place I’ve come from.”

So I looked up at my Christ on the cross and I prayed the only words that would come to mind: “I can’t do this. Help me do this. Please.”

When everyone got up to take Communion the lonely feeling persisted. I know it’s only a few weeks away now, but I haven’t taken Communion in a really long time and I miss it. I miss the feeling of being one with my fellow believers. I miss knowing that I’m partaking in Christ’s body and blood.

Then the woman sitting next to me got up to receive the Eucharist. As she walked past me she stopped and touched my arm. When I looked up at her she took my face in her hands and just smiled at me. Then before the tears that had formed in my eyes slipped out, she was gone.  I don’t know if she knows the gift that that seemingly tiny gesture gave me.

I sat there and for the first time in weeks my soul was quiet enough to hear the still, small voice of the Lord. He said to me, “Don’t you think the cross was a lonely place for Me? I have felt the feelings that you are feeling. You are not alone.  I have surrounded you with people to love you and encourage you and pray for you. Not only that, but even if you were the last person on earth I wouldn’t leave you by yourself. I will always be with you. Always.”