Story of My Life

15 Sep

Today I came across this post about my generation’s incessant narcissism.

It’s a good one, isn’t it?

It’s funny to me how God seems to arrange these little patterns in our lives so that we’re primed to hear what His will is for us. This past week I’ve been struggling so much with being overwhelmed. I feel like I am constantly bombarded with noise and advertisements and technology and promises that if I just fix my hair a certain way then my  life will be perfect. In fact, I don’t just feel that way…I am being bombarded by all that stuff.

My peaceful times right now are limited to sleeping, taking a shower, and going to Mass.

My roommate absolutely loves tv. She watches about 6 to 10 hours a day. Which is fine for right now. I can live with it. I own headphones. There are a million coffee shops and libraries around here to escape to. But I’d reached a point this week where I asked S if he would be okay with not having cable…maybe with even not owning a tv. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sitting in front of a box that tells me how I’m doing life all wrong.

I also decided this week that once S gets back from his deployment I’m going to delete my facebook. I only communicate with him, my mom, and my sibs on facebook, so it’s not like I’m going to lose out any vital communications. I’m just so tired of being jealous of other people’s lives. I’m tired of how superficial I become after an hour on facebook. I’m also realizing that there are some people in my life who weren’t meant to be there for the duration of my existence. It’s okay to let people go. It’s okay not to know whatever happened to so-and-so. There are people in my life right here and right now who I need to pay attention to, rather than worrying about some kid I met at summer camp six years ago.

Facebook and tv were fun. But now they’re just mindless distractions that make me feel bad about myself and I want them out.

So then I read that post about why my generation is unhappy. And it’s so true!

Somewhere along the way I got the idea that my life is this unique and beautiful story that is ten times more amazing than anyone else’s. It’s not just that I feel good about myself…it’s that I feel superior to everyone else. I am addicted to feeling like I’m better than you. I’m addicted to smugness and narcissism. How messed up is that?

And I could blame society or my parents or whatever for instilling that feeling in me…but let’s face it, I’m a grown up. It’s now my job to take responsibility for my own crappy habits and personality traits.

[Also thank you all so, so much for the thoughts and prayers for my mom this past week. She’s out of the hospital and she’s doing pretty well. Apparently she had multiple health conditions that she’d been letting slip for the past few years and they all kind of came to a head all at a once. So things are still kind of crazy, but for the most part she’s in the clear.]



One Response to “Story of My Life”

  1. Lyn February 24, 2014 at 4:52 pm #

    I hope you won’t give up blogging…I’ve fallen behind on my reading, but I do so enjoy your thought processes. I think you are in good company, addicted to feeling superior, lol. I think the love that we have for ourselves was so understood by our Savior, so that’s why He said “love your neighbor as yourself”…the same way you look out for #1, that’s how He expects us to be looking out for our neighbor…and who is our neighbor? Cue Luke chapter 10.

    ((((((HUGS)))))) and prayers for you while you’re on this journey….and for your Momma.


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