6 Sep

My mom had a heart attack yesterday.

She’s stable and in the hospital now…but what a hellish day.

I ended up in the arms of my sponsor’s mother. I lived with her this summer and she became a sort of extra mom figure for me.

She reminded me of the beginning of Scott Hahn’s book Hail, Holy Queen. When he talks about the bond between mother and child. There is something about that bond that is unbreakable, indescribable, incomprehensible.

She’s my mom.

She carried me in her womb and then in her arms when I was a child.

She fed me, changed me, clothed me, provided for me.

She taught me to love Jesus with all my heart.

She bought me books and taught me how to love reading and learning.

And even though she wounded me with her words and actions when I became Catholic…that’s okay. It doesn’t take away from who she is or everything else she’s done for me.

A few hours later I ended up crying on the shoulder of my friend with the new baby. Who just happened to be feeding her baby when I walked in. Somehow she managed to hold me and keep feeding little E at the same time.

Somehow my friend who used to be silly and flighty and irresponsible and care-free has turned into a mom. Watching her care for her little girl has helped me appreciate my mom for the care she has given to me. For the things that my mom gave up for me.

Everyone tells you that being a mom is a joyful thing and it’s just the best thing in the world, but no one tells you that it’s a sacrifice. That it’s heartbreaking at times. That you give up friends and hobbies and late nights out because all of a sudden you have a tiny person or persons that need you.

I was going to tie this in with Our Lady somehow, but now I’m crying and I’ve rambled so much that I can’t quite sort it out.


2 Responses to “”

  1. Jennwith2ns September 6, 2013 at 7:22 am #

    Oh my friend. This has been a rough year. Praying for you . . . some more.

  2. Cristina September 10, 2013 at 8:54 am #

    I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to be so “in it” that you don’t know how to make sense of it. Crying actually helps. Praying for you…

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