22 May

I’m just not really sure what to do with myself today. I’ve been working ten hour shifts at a grocery store and today is my first day off since starting.

I’ve been working at keeping myself busy so that I just don’t have time to worry…

S isn’t particularly happy with me right now. He’s deploying again in a few weeks and this one is even harder on me than the other one was. And I’ve been a little more vocal about it than perhaps I should be…Last night he gave me a tough love conversation about not working myself to death but also not laying in bed moping when I’m not working.

I just can’t seem to help it. My parents want nothing to do with me. They’re not allowing me to speak to my brother. All of my friends are gone for the summer. S is deploying again. And in the midst of it all, God is silent.

I feel alone. I know that I’m not alone. But I feel more alone than I’ve ever felt before.

I fill my days with work and writing my book and planning my wedding…but they just can’t seem to fill the empty space in my heart. I’m not okay. And I don’t know how to be okay again.

I miss my mom so much.


3 Responses to “”

  1. singingjaniebird May 22, 2013 at 2:15 pm #

    I can somewhat relate to how you’re feeling but for different reasons. I was wondering, is there any place for you to go and join a peer group bible study or prayer group for the summer? Or, maybe, just maybe, the Holy Spirit is calling you to form one? Again, I have no idea exactly what your current situation is. But, when I have those times I find that going to my Mom’s Morning Prayer group or evening bible study is the perfect medicine. There is nothing like having your friends in Christ lift you up and give you the strength to carry those crosses. My husband was in the Navy and I remember how lonely it was when he went on active duty. It must be very hard not to be able to escape to your parents’ house. I hope that you’re able to find what seems to be some much needed fellowship and soon.

  2. pishnguyen May 22, 2013 at 5:56 pm #

    Prayers for you and your family. As “singingjaniebird” mentioned: I hope you are able to find some type of fellowship or a new group of friends to take your mind off of the issues with your parents, and so that you won’t feel as lonely. I imagine your beloved’s upcoming deployment is harder for you because you don’t feel you have the support you had before, since you can’t turn to your parents or brother. I hope that your mom’s heart softens, and that she will come around soon. *hugs*

  3. Melanie Garcia May 31, 2013 at 7:15 am #

    Pray, pray, pray. Even if you don’t “feel” like it. You must be a prayer warrior. I am so saddened by your loss of parental support. You know that you have done the right thing for you, Be strong, honey, and know that there are people who are keeping you lifted in prayer!

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