Some Teensy Changes Around Here

12 Apr

Six years ago I had a mentor sit me down and give me some advice. I was fourteen at the time, and not nearly as mature as I thought I was, so I’m afraid most of that information went in one ear and out the other. But one phrase has always stuck with me: “Become what you are.”

I’ve thought a lot about those words over the years:

You are God’s child – become a child of God.

You are full of God’s graces – become a person who is full of grace.

You are forgiven – become one who forgives.

You are whole in Christ – become whole in Christ.

This past week I saw something in myself that I didn’t like – I am a woman who has not become a woman.

Now then, I’m not being hard on myself in saying this. I don’t feel guilty or that I’m any less of a person – just that it’s time to do some growing up.

I’m twenty years old. I have a fiance with whom I am hopelessly in love. I have held down a difficult job for over a year now (the average retention rate is a semester). Not only have I held it down – I’ve excelled. I have submitted a proposal to my school’s research committee for a book I want to write. Not only have they approved it – but I’ve had multiple professors tell me how excited they are to see more of my work.

So why do I feel like a ten year old when I see an e-mail from one of my parents? Why do I squirm when I see “Mom” or “Dad” on my phone’s caller ID? Why do I have so much trouble believing that when they’re upset it’s not my fault? I am so afraid to tell them that I’m different from them – that I want different things, like different things, believe different things, know different things, hope for different things. Why does that seem so impossible to me?

Because I have to learn how to become the daughter that I already am.

I have to learn how to become the Catholic that I already am.

I have to learn how to become the woman that I already am.

So I’ve changed my description ^ up there to remind me of this. Pray for me, dear friends and readers.


4 Responses to “Some Teensy Changes Around Here”

  1. SR April 12, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

    Sounds like you are on the right road. It is hard for our parents to let go, and it is as hard for us to let go also. No matter what, they are still our parents. No matter how badly we feel at times for how we are treated, and you will treat yours, there is still “comfort” in the words Mom and Dad. It is hard to break away from that. Hang in there, I think you are doing great! God Bless, SR

    • elliejaneohara April 13, 2013 at 7:44 am #

      Glad you think I’m on the right track! It’s definitely a matter of finding some balance here, and I’m interested to see what that balance looks like!

  2. pishnguyen April 13, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

    Go you! I am cheering you on, and I agree with SR: it sounds like you are on the right track. I admire you for being able to take these steps now. I know, from experience, how hard this is. I wish I could have done the same many, many years ago (in my 20s, instead of my 40s). Wishing you all the best!

    • elliejaneohara April 14, 2013 at 6:36 am #

      I am discovering more and more people (especially women) who deal with very similar situations. My sponsor’s mom has been a great person for me to talk to about all this because she not only has a mom who is still very controlling, but she also is a mom so she can see the other side of the story as well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: